The Heart's Regrets
by Jedi Vegeta
Summary: After Goku leaves with Shenlong, Chi Chi begins to reflect on her life, how she affected others and what lays in her future now.


  
  
  
  
  
  


Disclaimers: I do not own Dragonball Z

  
  


This is a story that has been in my head to do for a while. It focuses on Chi Chi POV after Goku leaves with Shenlong after GT. Yeah, I know it has been over done, but I wanted to take a crack at it, and hopefully it produced a DECENT story. Well, if you read, thank you in advance. And also, and constructive criticism will be appreciated. Thank you.

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THE HEART'S REGRETS

  
  
  
  


___Goku._

  
  


_'How much I cared for you...how much I absolutely adored you. I thought the feelings I had for you...have for you...were mutual. I just know they were. Then tell me, why did you leave me again. This time forever.'_

  
  


I sigh as I clasped my cold, pale hands around my tea cup, trying unsuccessfully to stop them from shaking. Staring sadly though the open kitchen window, I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. Clinching my teeth, I angrily wipe away from my face, disgusted that I would break down so easily. I leaned back into my chair, as my eyes began to wander through my kitchen.

  
  


My house was bathed in shadows in seems of late. It was so lonely here. There was no one to for me to talk to nor share a laugh with anymore. The previous days of joy and happiness that had echoed through these halls are nothing but a painful memory now.

I placed my head on my arms and laid them down on the table. Holding back no longer I cried. It seemed all of my frustrations, loss hopes and sadness came rushing at me all at once, threatening to destroy all the sanity that I had left. "Oh Goku," I whispered, "Why did you leave me?" Sucking in a deep breath as I tried to stop hyperventilating, I raised my head up and stared at the ceiling. "I mean, you promised that you would stay with me. After every new enemy, you kept telling me after this is over, I will quit fighting, and I will be with you forever. A lie. I should have know..." I rose from my chair, still crying. "Were you...did I not love you enough?"

  
  


I walked over to the kitchen sink and poured the cold tea down the drain slowly. Looking out at the crescent moon, I began to think about Goku...

  
  


The first time he left me was to battle his brother. I remember crying on my bed all night long. Not only did I lose my love, my husband, my only son was missing. Taken by Ma Junior to train for the fight against the Saiyans. 

  
  


That first night was the hardest. Losing both my husband and not knowing where you 4 year-old-son was at, and if he was safe was so heart-wrenching. Why people think that It did not hurt me and that I was fine during that whole episode was baffling. Why wouldn't losing a love onenot make you sad and devastate? My dad tried to cheer me up, but to no avail. I just remembered yelling at him. Why? I still do not know. But I have a feeling that I was just angry, frustrated that no one seemed see that I was hurting. They thought I was overreacting to the situation. 

  
  


Frowning deeply, I left that bitter thought and went back to thinking about Goku.

  
  


Namek...

  
  


I remember doing laundry atop the hospital for Goku when I looked up to see him flying away on Kintoun. Never even saying goodbye, or anything! And once again, they thought I was overreacting. 

  
  


_ "Chi Chi, Goku is going to help_ _them out." Mutenroshi said. "You know that they will be in deep trouble with out his help, Chi Chi."_

  
  


_ "But he didn't say goodbye! I might never see him again." I cried._

  
  
  
  


"Did it ever occur to you, Goku, how much that actually hurt me?" I say to no one as I looked away from the window and made my way towards my bedroom. After thinking about the second time Goku left me, my mind instantly began to replay all my hurt feelings of when Goku fell ill, when he was killed by Cell, when he left with Ubuu, when he was wished young again, and...when he left with that damned Shenlong. Anger rose up in me. Or was it fear. I don't know. Why, do they...people, always are say that I am too high strung and did not understand why I was so protective of Gohan and why I did not want them to fight. Why? I was afraid of losing them. I did not want to live alone and be by myself.

Though I was only a child, I have vague memories of my father crying over something. What? I don't know. But I think he was mourning my mother death. He was sad for days, weeks, perhaps even months. It was heartbreaking to see my father suffering, and that was a reason for me being so...too much to some, protective. I did not want to lose the ones I love. I wanted my life to be perfect, with out any trace of tragedy occurring in my family ever again. 

  
  


That is why I acted like I did.

  
  


I think, when Goku died again by Cell's hand, I gave up. Goku would be dead forever, and my dream of peace was shattered forever. Goten was born and unlike Gohan, I let him do whatever he wanted. I trained him like his father would have wanted him to be trained. Studying was not a big deal with him. What was the point. I was tired, too tired to even try making and pressuring Goten to study, like I did Gohan. I was burned out. 

  
  
  
  


Besides, perhaps if it wasn't for me, Goku would have lived. 

  
  


I stopped in front of my bedroom door and stare at the floor. In wild realization, I begin to think that if, just perhaps, I had let Gohan fight...train to his full potential, that he would have been strong enough to beat Cell and every other villain that had set their foot upon this world.

"Well," I sniffed, "No sense dwelling on the past. No reason at all."

  
  


Making my way into my bedroom, I laid down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. I felt a childish fear rise up in me as I gazed at the shadows as they played across the wall. My imagination was beginning to play tricks on me. Monsters...fearful images...I pushed them down as I grabbed my blankets and pulled them over me. I instinctively turned and placed my hand on Goku's side of the bed. Loneliness swept through me as I remembered for the up tenth time that he was gone forever.

Clutching my pillow, I stared the outline of a picture that sat on my bed stand. Though I could not see it, I knew it was our wedding picture. "I miss you so." I whisper as I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. But it was hard with the knowledge that the one you dedicated your life to, the one who you loved with all your heart and soul, will never be back...you will never see him again until you die...

Madly, I remember contemplating suicide. And when that thought slipped in my head, I quickly shot it out. Not only was it unnoble, it would have been selfish. I would leave my sons, family and friends here. Only God has the right to take life, and not myself. Though Goku was gone, the pain would not last forever. Yes, it hurts, but I think I am...no...I am strong enough to make it though. 

Goku...he had left without saying goodbye because...it would be too hard.

"That had to be it." I say as I began to smile in spite of myself. "I think I finally understand Goku. Fighting and protecting this world from harm was you own way of showing love for your family and friends. Sure isn't my way...but it was your way." I bury my head deeper in the pillow, still smiling. Goku died protecting his son, this world, his friends. He trained Ubuu because he saw another potential, and such potential should never be wasted. Even I know that...at least know I do.

Sighing deeply, I began to drift off. And finally after weeks of crying and sleeplessness, I did doze off. I knew that everything was going to be all right.

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Weellll...that was it. If you have any constructive C/C please tell me, ok? OK! Thank you and have a good day.

  
  



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